I have an hour before I have to go help some friends out with an errand, but I wanted to write this here.
Thank you for everything. Even though it’s over, I think I’m at the point where I can say thank you.
I can’t say I’ve totally moved on yet, if I did that would be a lie. But I am at the point where I know it’s over, and where I can learn to incorporate how I felt and what I went through in the years I was with you into how I will live my life from now on. I write this here, so that if you ever think to look here again, you can see it of your own choice. I don’t want to thrust these things onto you while you may still want distance.
Thank you for all the times we spent together playing games together. I stopped caring about single player games and started to only care about the times where we did things together.
Thank you for all the times you called me pet names. It made me feel very warm and cared for inside. Few things have ever made me feel special in my entire life, but you did whenever you called me any name, no matter how silly it was, that came into your mind.
Thank you for all the times we cuddled in my bed together, no matter how small it was. My bed really was so much more comfortable. It was hard to sleep in it after you were gone.
Thank you for all the times we cooked simple, small meals together. I learned that cooking is actually pretty fun, and I enjoyed helping out whenever I could.
Thank you for teaching me what it felt like to be intimate with another person. Especially when we first began this, I felt elated all the time. Thank you.
Thank you for putting up with me during my really random, hard to follow moments. Even being tolerated during those times was a sign you really cared for me.
Thank you for all the times you let me comb your hair with my fingers, rub your feet, your back, and even your stomach, which you were so scared to let anyone do. I felt like you really trusted me.
Thank you for the times you were there for me when I was feeling sad. I learned that, for my future relationships, I need this big time. I need someone to always be happy to hug me and support me when I feel down. Thank you for this insight.
Thank you for the times where you rested your head on my shoulder when you were tired while we were spending time with others. I really felt special when you did this with me.
Thank you for inviting me along to most of your family parties. Through you, your mom, your dad, and for the short time I saw her, your sister, I felt like I really had two families.
Thank you for the times when you did help out with financial responsibilities, like helping pay for gas and everything. When you did, it made me feel like you were thinking of me and the work I was putting into things.
Thank you for always telling me I looked fine when I was ragging on my own looks.Thank you for telling me you were attracted to me, whenever I felt really ugly and unattractive. I’m sorry I doubted it so much.
Thank you for the moments where you were really silly and goofy. I learned I want this a lot in my next relationship: to have someone who’s playful and carefree.
Thank you for all the times you smiled and then looked away, embarrassed. I want someone with a great smile in the future like you had.
Thank you for the times where we did argue, even if they were relatively few in number. They helped me realize how I want to argue in the future.
Thank you for all the times you cried in my presence. I’m sorry I ever asked you to not cry in the past: I was scared of what crying meant, and you taught me, as I cry now, that crying is a healthy, and perfectly acceptable thing to do. I hope to find someone who can cry around me too.
Thank you for all the times you went into long rants about things you loved to talk about. I want this in the future too: someone who has no problems telling me about something they love for hours on end as I cuddle with them under blankets.
Thank you for being there for me for almost four years, loving me for a lot of it.
And, on some level, I guess I should thank you for breaking up with me, even if it hurts. I don’t know why you did it, and you seem to not want to tell me at all, but I think that’s okay. I don’t think it would fix anything. I think all my heart was seeking was some sign you wanted to get back together.
I learned so much from the relationship we had. I had infinitely more positive experiences than negative ones. I didn’t beat myself up when it ended, and while I did feel sad, it wasn’t a self loathing sad. For a while I felt like I was inadequate: like if something about me had been different, this wouldn’t have happened.
I will always miss cuddling with you, holding you in my arms, seeing you smile, hearing your laugh, and hearing you say I love you to me. But I know that for all the times I was able to experience those things, I became that much more of a better person for having experienced that love with you.
I will grow as a person from this loss of relationship so that I can have a happier, joy filled future with someone who I have yet to meet. Maybe one day, we’ll see each other again, far in the future, and talk about our lives. Talk about what happened, who we met, who we spent time with.
But I know that I need to live, and love another, with the experience I gained loving and caring for you.
Thank you for everything. I really mean it.
I hope nothing but the best for you in the future, and I’ll always care for you. I hope your life turns out just how you want it to.